Pan Post 62
On a section of the Astral Plane where Mount Olympus exists the Terran Gods are, as always, partying in the longest-running bacchanalia of the NeSiverse. With them are the Cosmic Deities who have recently regained access to the Earth. Runekeeper seeks access to a certain apartment in Seattle because the rearrangement of ley lines have placed the new ultranexus on the toilet of Bob Roberts' apartment. He has been unable to remove the man because The Three Fates had fated the man to live there forever. Initially angered by this Runekeeper changes his stance when approached by Hermes Trismegistus who asks why the ultranexus is in a toilet and the Cosmic God of Magic asserts it was his plan all along to teach the Terran Deities some humility. In order to fully ultilise this toilet-nexus, The Toiletium, the next generation of mages must all now learn plumbing from the only plumber-mage in the world, a formally low-level mage, Mario Miyamoto - now ArchMario. The Toiletium The astral plane is a dimension just out of sync with the NeSiverse and most other universes. Every location in the astral plane corresponds with a location in the NeSiverse or another universe. Those in the astral plane can see their corresponding locations, but can pass unseen and intangible. Ghosts and spirits often but not always inhabit the astral plane. The astral plane is why Mount Olympus appears to be a normal mountain to mortals. The great palace of the gods atop it is in the astral plane. Here is the home of what is perhaps the greatest and longest-lasting bacchanalia in the NeSiverse. Three Fates: There sure are a lot of... deities here. The three women, speaking simultaneously, have a note of disdain in their voice when they say 'deities'. Three Fates: And they sure do like to party. Aeon: Apparently, all of Earth's thousands of deities live here now, instead of maintaining their own individual domains. Aeon, the Cosmic God over Time, inspects his wristwatch, which displays a digital hourglass with pixels of sand eternally falling into the 'lower' half. Aeon: And they've been partying nonstop for about 3 millennia. Phractal: That is why they lost the worship of your humans. They preferred, and still do, to party, rather than to reign. Phractal is a multidimensional being, difficult to perceive or describe. He, or perhaps it, is attuned to the very fabric of existence in the NeSiverse and many other universes, and experiences all things as a fractal pattern. Phractal: Your humans are the crowning masterpiece of this world, and as such are perhaps a bit... much... for mere planetary deities to govern. Runekeeper: Don't your Greys still worship planetary deities? There might have been a crystalline glint of annoyance in Phractal's eyes at the words of the Cosmic God over Magic. Phractal: The God-Monarchs favored humanity over Greyanity. The remnants of that favor are part of what make your humans so... vigorous. One of the women comprising the Three Fates picks up a wine goblet and starts drinking. The other two look aghast at their sister. The drinking sister shrugs. As the sisters argue with each other, they all speak the same words to each other. Three Fates: Hey, we have a reason to party, right? Now that we can govern Earth's celestial spheres again. Three Fates: We are not so bourgeois as to join this rabble. Two of the women look scornfully at the merrymaking deities of Earth. Runekeeper: Before you three get into a full-blown argument and stop speaking for a few centuries, answer me this: why can't I get Bob Roberts out of his apartment? Three Fates: Ah, Bob Roberts. I am so glad I can weave fates on Earth again. He is one of the first whose fates I remade. Runekeeper: What, and his fate is to live in his Seattle apartment forever? All three identical faces look surprised. Three Fates: How did you know? The Runekeeper facepalms. Unfortunately for him, he facepalms with the hand whose wrist is chained to his heavy tome, and the book smacks up into his head. Runekeeper: Owie... anyway, I need him out of there. Phractal jerks his head with sudden understanding. Phractal: So that's where the new ultranexus is. I sensed the NeSiverse's fractal pattern shifting into a new and more harmonious alignment. Three Fates: Wait, your new magical ultranexus is in Bob Roberts' Seattle apartment? Runekeeper looks abashed. Runekeeper: More specifically, the toilet of Bob Roberts' Seattle apartment. Aeon, Phractal, and Three Fates burst out laughing. Runekeeper: Hey, I''' didn't decide to put it there! The other cosmic deities only laugh harder. '''Runekeeper: It was an automatic placement based on the configuration of the existing ley lines and the patterns through which the new magic was channeled-- you know what, forget it, I know you don't care. I just need Bob Roberts out of there. Aeon: What, so you can build a Grand Cathedral of Magic? Runekeeper eyes the Cosmic God of Time suspiciously, clutching his tome closely to his chest. Runekeeper: Have you been peeking at my blueprints in here? Aeon rolls his clockwork eyes. Runekeeper: But yes. And for some reason, I can't evict him. Three Fates: Well, like I said, I fated him to live there forever. Runekeeper: Then CHANGE that. He pauses. Runekeeper: Please. Three Fates: No way! I just got access to our planet again and started weaving destinies. I'm not gonna let myself be restricted again! Runekeeper: But-- Three Fates: Besides, Bob Roberts is IMPORTANT. I can't just rearrange his fate willy-nilly. The other cosmic gods look at the three women skeptically. Three Fates: He's the direct descendant of the world's first man, whom we all (save Phractal) created! The Runekeeper facepalms again. This time, he remembers to do so with the unchained hand. Runekeeper: EVERY human is the direct descendant of the world's first man! Three Fates: Your point? Runekeeper: Look, I'm asking nicely but...fate is a tremendously difficult thing to thwart - but magic can change it. The three women get a dangerous look on their faces. Three Fates: I wouldn't recommend it. Aeon: Don't fight, you two. We just got our world back, let's not ruin it. Runekeeper, you got your ultranexus, right? Even if you can't build a Grand Whatsis over it? The Runekeeper toes the floor sullenly. Runekeeper: Grand Cathedral of Magic. Yeah, I got it. Aeon: Then let that be enough. It's the power that matters for us, not the trappings. The Terran deities have been giving the cosmic deities a wide berth this whole time, unsure how to treat these newcomers to their midst, who evidently aren't as keen on partying as they are. Now however, Hermes Trismegistus - god of superspeed, with the power of Ares won in a bet, and super-mage of the highest order - appears out of the crowd and comes up to the Runekeeper, pointing an accusing finger at him. Hermes Trismegistus: You. Stole. Our. Magic. The Runekeeper's eyes flash. Runekeeper: Twas mine to begin with! Hermes keeps glaring, but he knows he cannot really argue. Earth mages have gotten used to having magic unrestricted by gods for a billion years. Hermes Trismegistus: I hope you're planning to share. Deities shouldn't hoard what falls under their domain, but govern it. Runekeeper: It's mine to hoard if I choose, little godling. But yes, if I am paid proper respect, I shall allow your little planet's mages to continue drawing from it. Hermes Trismegistus: Sounds great. But for gods' sakes why did you put it in a toilet?! The Runekeeper opens his mouth to reply that it wasn't his choice, before closing it briefly. A sly smile crawls across his face. Runekeeper: To teach you proper humility. Hermes Trismegistus: What?! Runekeeper: You and the other mages of Earth may only gain access to the ultranexus itself through Bob Roberts and his toilet. You must learn the ways of plumbing... *** Mario Miyamoto is a young Japanese-Italian man who has always been prouder of his moustache than his magical aptitude. This is perhaps just, given that his magical aptitude is quite limited, and usually performs best when he consumes alchemical brews concocted from liquefied mushrooms, flowers, and feathers. Although he grew up in the family plumbing business, he began attending the Magium - premier institute and center of learning for magic on Earth - once his mystical prowess (limited though it was) was discovered. Working part-time as a janitor on the Magium campus helped put him through his tuition. However, the Magium was recently destroyed in a terrific explosion by the Latter-Day Greys of Memnoch and the Trans-Terra Terrorists, using reality-warping devices designed by a Discharding inventor. Fortunately for Mario Miyamoto, he was away for the summer, visiting his family. Mama Miyamoto: Mario, could you get the door? Mario Miyamoto: Bah, just because I'm not in school anymore doesn't mean I should be relegated to door-opener... Mama Miyamoto: What was that, honey? Mario Miyamoto: Nothing, Mama! He answers the door, reflexively twirling his moustache. A gaunt man clad in a wide-brimmed hat and leather robes greets him. Mustang Aurelius Ford: Are you Mario Miyamoto? Mario Miyamoto: Yes, sir. Can I help you? Mustang Aurelius Ford: Congratulations, lad. You are now Archmage of the Wizards R Us Plumbing Company. Mario Miyamoto: ...what? Mustang Aurelius Ford: Cool Matty was right, there ARE a lot us whose names begin with M... *** Mustang Aurelius Ford takes Mario Miyamoto to the new premier center of magical learning and activity on Earth - the newly established Wizards R Us Plumbing Company, based in Seattle, USA. Here he meets the other master mages. Archmage Mario Miyamoto: I am honored but...why a plumbing company? Taliesin: You may have noticed your magical strength surging into new vigor recently. Archmage Mario Miyamoto: Indeed, followed by a subsequent waning. Merlin's Ghost: The magical nexes of Earth were restored, in a new ultranexus even greater than ancient Atlantis' was - then the Runekeeper, god of all magic in the NeSiverse, seized it for himself, and now doles it out to us, provided we... approach it in the right way. Archmage Mario Miyamoto: I am not certain what this has to do with plumbing... Mustang: The ultranexus is in a toilet. Archmage Mario Miyamoto: Oh. Say, could you all stop taking turns to speak, please? It gets very confusing, turning every which way to look at whomever is talking. Taliesin: Very well. I shall speak for us. We need you to train us - and all mages, and all apprentices both present and future - in the ways of plumbing, that we may approach the altar of Bob Roberts' toilet. Archmage Mario Miyamoto: This is a great responsibility, but I will give it my utmost. Taliesin: Also, 'Archmage Mario Miyamoto' is way too much of a mouthful. From henceforth, I dub thee Archmario, for short! Archmario: Then I dub this new magical plumbing company the Toiletium, for short! The other master mages look at Archmario. Taliesin: Speaking for all of us, that's a terrible name. Archmario: So is 'Archmario'. Taliesin: Fair enough. So this is now the Toiletarium-- Archmario: Oh my god, no. It's TOILETIUM. Toiletarium is just STUPID. Taliesin: .... And so, under Archmario's tutelage, the Toiletium begins to flourish. Mages trade their rune-covered robes for rune-covered plumber overalls (though they refuse to doff their pointy hats, and who can blame them?), and tip their staffs and wands with plungers. Mages who were powerful before are now often weak, and vice versa. The bold new age begins! Notes TBA Category:Pan Post Category:Post